one two three fourrrrnication!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
