Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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