Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
