These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
