I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
