You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
