oh god the rape fog is back!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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