Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
