Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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