You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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