Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
