You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
