i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
