I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
