note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
