My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
