are you still at the devil's house?
We are two peas in an std pod
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
