The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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