So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
