thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
