Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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