i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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