Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im holly from the hills drunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
