Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
