I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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