I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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