i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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