There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
