quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
