dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
