Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
