I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I FOUND THE LEGS
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
try to milk me bitch
Randomize