the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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