I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
