Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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