they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So here I am, sexting at work.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize