he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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