I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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