yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
