so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
