Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
