I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
