So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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