More tranny stories later!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
