You can't motorboat a personality
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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