i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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