Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
