I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
