You really coming over, don't trick.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
