My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
