ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
