My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
