I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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