I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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