Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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