so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
