there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
