Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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