party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
