i just sent this text using only my big toe
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize
