she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
