If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
