i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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