What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize