I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
