Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this just has baby written all over it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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