Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize