Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
