Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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