the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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