is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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