Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The air taste purple.
Randomize
