WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
