i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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